Time Link
A Short Story
by Alisa Joaquin

Part 1

Spock packed his small bag and head toward the door. He had received the message regarding his mother. Though it was not logical, he knew that his father may need him in some capacity, even if it was to go through his mother's will and property. In private, he knew that his father would grieve in his own way. Spock, too, would also grieve. At least the distance to Vulcan from Earth would give him time to meditate and to remember. To loose a parent was a very hard thing. Spock never quite understood what that meant until now. Though he lost his brother Sybok, the loss was not that strong. Sybok was more of a stranger to Spock. He had come close to knowing loss when he thought he had killed his captain those many years earlier. Odd that he should be having those thoughts. There was also another feeling he could not seem to shake off. He could not help feeling that the choice he made was somehow wrong. The Enterprise-B was scheduled to be christened and sent on her maiden voyage in just seven days. He could have postponed the trip but Jim would not hear of it. Jim reminded him that family must come first before duty when it came to a death. Spock had been there when Jim's own mother had passed on, but Jim unforunately, could not repay that debt. Starfleet insisted that Kirk complete the negotiations with the Valdorins and to be there when the Enterprise-B was ready.

Damn Starfleet! How could they be such insensitive ***holes., remembering the colorful mediphore that Jim was so fond of saying. It was useless to dwell on what could not be changed. Spock would have to face this loss without Jim and McCoy. McCoy, the good doctor who carried his katra. A sudden aching premonition welled up and a thought from nowhere in particular sprang to him. He will be so hurt. He will need me before it was through. Curious, why should McCoy need him over his mother's death? Spock shook off his melancholy and head out the door to the flitter. It would take him to the nearest space port and then to the waiting ship, the U.S.S. Hood.

***

As Spock settled into his cabin, thoughts of his mother and their relationship the past few years played in his mind. It was not like Spock to dwell on such matters but the human half needed to examin the memories. Without realizing it, Amanda had played more of a role in his life than Spock thought. She had been there when he had been sick with the equivalent of human chicken pox, soothing his brow of the fever. She was present at all his major choices in his life, giving him support, even when he made the decision to follow Vulcan teachings and traditions. Spock knew it hurt her deeply, and when Spock went through his retraining, Amamda could have taken the opportunity to have him retrained in her own human traditions, but she did not. She followed as much as she could the Vulcan training, helping to make sense of his memories and helping him to relearn those things that were lost. The only time she mentioned about his human half was on that last day when his shipmates were scheduled to return to Earth. During that time, his own feelings had not surfaced. She told him that they would and yet, he was not sure. He was Vulcan. How could he also be human? And yet, she who called herself his mother was human. Since then, Spock regained that sense of Self. His human and Vulcan halves melding into one cohesive being, the being known as Spock.

Spock took out the small traveling firepot. He would have to requisition a meditation stone for his journey. Spock anticipated there would be incidents of heightened emotion that would need controlling as each memory of his mother rose to the surface. A small smile threatened to break as his thoughts suddenly turned toward McCoy. To some extend McCoy was right. He had emotions but he preferred to express them in the privacy of his quarters or within himself. McCoy seemed able to understand that, at least in part, after carrying his katra. Still, there were many times he had come dangerously close in reverting back to those ancestral rages. It would still take time for McCoy to realize just how dangerous it would be if Spock had gone that far. Once released, it would be next to impossible to get the rage back under control.

Spock recalled when it had been that way, when he was a child before the decision. Odd, it had not been his father that helped him control the rage, but his mother. Amanda had soothed him by telling him her experiences and how she had handled it. She told him instead that if she were to let the others see her hurt, her tormentors would never give her peace. She decided she would do the opposite, at least in front of those who tried to hurt her. She decided in order to do that, she would need to try to focus her emotional energy elsewhere other than on herself and what she was feeling. Amanda decided she would become a teacher and focus her energy in learning to be the best. When she was alone though, and feeling the emotion rise to the surface, only then did she let at least some of it out. In doing this, she would be able to keep some control. There were times, however, when control would slip and the emotions would come pouring out. Rage and anger would erupt with such force it took all her strength to keep from harming those around her or herself. It was during these times that Amanda feared even herself. Still, the rage would pass and Amanda would be in control again. Luckily, those times were few and grew more infrequent with age. Amanda, however, did not tell Spock of those times. For her, they were her most darkest moments and she did not want Spock to get the wrong impression on what being human meant. In this way, Spock was able to gain some mastery over his emotions until the true training could begin. It had been many years since Spock thought of his mother in that way. Little did she know, she had started him on the road to what he was going to become.

After he had finished unpacking, Spock looked at the schedule of events that would follow his mother's memorial service. The actual service had been postponed until Spock could be there. The essence that was Amanda could not be saved. All that remained of her knowledge was what had been written and stored in computer files. These were as complete as any Vulcan katra and that was extensive. For most humans, a lot of knowledge would be lost, but in the case of Amanda, a nearly complete life had been recorded. That meant whatever records Amanda's mother had kept when Amanda was born up to whatever letters Amanda had written to her before her death. Plus Amanda, herself, had kept several journels. Her earliest one being when she was only four years old when she learned to write. All the knowledge she had accumalated at least would be saved for all of Vulcan and Earth. Spock examined the schedule and found it to be extensive. Not since the death of T'Pau did he see such a life celebrated. Amanda's life story would be required learning within the historial district. Memorized to become a part of Vulcan history. He had not been aware just how much of an impact his mother had on Vulcan, even for those few remaing years when she had been named by T'Pau as her heir and became oldest mother of the House of Surak. An honor no other human would hold. There would be no heir to pass down the title. It was always the matriarch who held that title.

As Spock studied the schedule, a single tear fell. He knew there would be more before the journey was over. Better to happen now then later, thought Spock. He would need all the control of a Kolinar adept to get through what he needed to face. At least some of what he learned while undergoing that training would be beneficial in the days ahead, Spock thought. If only he could have been there when it had happened. He did not have the opportunity to say goodbye. By the time he would return home, all that would remain will be her ashes. Spock reached for a small bundle that he always kept hidden and took out when meditation escaped him. Inside was a round stone with a crude carving of a cat. His mother had told him it was a glyph created by hobos in the early 20th Century during the depression era. The stone would be placed outside by the back door to let hobos know which house was where they could receive a meal and maybe some friendly conversation. The stone had been in Amanda's family for nearly four hundred years. In times when Spock was feeling troubled, and not quite ready to speak to Jim or McCoy, this stone would offer confort and also give him a means to get back into that meditative state. Odd, as Spock gazed into the stone, it was as of he could hear his mother's voice, even sense her presence. Did her essence remain after death? Spock would never know. All he could do was wish her well.

End of Part 1

Synopsis / Next Part
Back to Temple Tales / Contact Alisa Sign Alisa's Guestbook / View Alisa's Guestbook