A Shaolin Easter to Remember
Part 4 - Facing the Darkness
by Alisa Joaquin

Please see the disclaimer on the Synposis page.

Caine tried to meditate. The bandage over his eyes was beginning to itch. Caine tried to curb the impulse to scratch. His bandaged hands would not allow him the luxury. The old skin that had been burned was peeling and new skin was replacing it. Caine wanted desperately to see and feel the Sun on his face. It had been three days since the accident. Peter had come and gone, working on the case, he had said. Caine could feel his son's frustration at wanting to be in two places at once. The need to be with his father and to help him conflicted with the need to find the person responsible. Caine tried to ask his son what was happening but Peter seemed reluctant to talk about it. It was as if the roles had been reversed.

Caine was also getting anxious to go home. Soon he would have to cope with this blindness, no matter how temporary. He missed the comforting feel of his rooms; the living herbal plants; the smell of fresh jasmine, the warmth of the candles and their soft glow. Most of all, he missed seeing Peter's face. So much could be seen and read in a person's face. Not just their emotions, but their family history. Peter's face held so much for Caine. The shape of his face was much like his long dead wife's face. His hair was the same color as his own before his turned gray. His eyes were shaped much like his, but their color was unique and very special. Through Peter's eyes, Caine could tell a lot. When he was angry, they seemed to turn a steely gray but darker. And when he was sad, they were more hazel in color. But when Peter was happy, and love shined through, a hint of warm brown showed around the edges. It was then that Kwai Chang would be reminded of his wife. Her eyes would have that same quality about them. Pride would swell within him at the though that he and his wife gave life to such a one as Peter. Yes, he was going to miss seeing his son's eyes, at least for a while. For now, he would have to settle for his memories.

***

Several days passed and nothing happened. Tension filled Peter like a spring. It was as if he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He knew Nelson would try to get at either his father or him some time. It was as if the mouse was waiting for the cat, but the mouse did not know which hole the cat waited at. Before Peter took his father home, he checked out his father's room very thoroughly. He did not want his father to come home to a nasty surprise like the last one. When he found the place was clean, he had the Ancient stay to make sure no one entered the place while he was gone.

"We're coming to the stairs now, Pop. Reach out a little to your right and you'll find the railing."

Kwai Chang Caine listened patiently to his son's instructions. He was beginning to have second thoughts about coming home. Maybe he should have stayed with the Ancient or Peter. If he needed assistance, Peter at least would be there for him. No, going home was best. He knew his rooms better than anyone. Besides, there were other senses that would aid him in getting around. His sense of smell had been heightened as well as his hearing. His hands were still somewhat sensitive from the burns, but they would soon be healed as well. Suddenly, Kwai Chang was aware that they were not alone. A smile spread across his face.

"Mary Margaret, Kermit, Captain Blaisdell, and Lo Si. So good of you all to come."

"_Uh, how did he . . ." Mary Margaret started with surprise.

"I can smell your perfume. Kermit, you have been eating gummy bears, again. Captain, you really need to stop that smoking habit. It will only harm you. And Lo Si, I can smell that you have made my favorite tea. Thank you."

"Show off." Peter said laughing. "He did that to me the first time I tried to sneak into his room without waking him. Scared the hell out of me."

Peter led his father to where he could sit.

"Pop, can I get you anything?"

"A cup of tea would be nice."

"Anything else? A pillow for your back? You know the Doctor said you need to take it easy and go slow."

Kwai Chang smiled at the role reversal. There were many times in the past two years when he would try to tell Peter the same thing after he had suffered an injury, but unlike Peter, Kwai Chang had every intention of following Doctor's orders. As an apothecary, he knew the benefits of letting time heal wounds. It would do him no good to rush the process, no matter how frustrating and impatient he may feel himself.

"I am all right for now. I just want to sit here and listen."

Kwai Chang could hear the nervous commotion of the people around him. Though they were happy to see him safely home from the hospital, they each in turn were somewhat nervous about his condition, accept for maybe Peter, Lo Si, and Paul Blaisdell

"Do you really think he's going to be able to . . . you know . . . uhh handle being blind?" The question came from Mary Margaret. Her voice was low as if trying not to be heard. Caine breathed a pitying sigh, not for himself, but for the people around him. He could hear the doubt in her voice and he knew if he did not accept this, he too, would begin to doubt his own abilities.

"Didn't you explain to Scalany that the blindness is temporary?" That was Blaisdell. He must be speaking to Peter.

"But what if it's not?" Mary Margaret must have interrupted Peter before he could speak.

"Then I will take it one step at a time." Kwai Chang spoke up. It was time to get into this conversation. He did not like being talked about as if he was not there. Suddenly, Caine was aware that Peter had closed himself off. He was hiding something and Caine soon knew what it must be like for his son when he would do the same thing. He did not like it. It was possible that Peter was simply refusing to answer or acknowledge Mary Margaret's statement. Or maybe he was trying not to acknowledge the possibility that the blindness was not temporary. What if he was permanently blind? Caine tried to get rid of the thought but in truth, the thought frightened him. Doctors after all were human, and they too could make mistakes. Kwai Chang needed time to think and to meditate. This was taking too much out of him. The tone of the conversation was turning towards anger and then pity. The Shaolin Priest in him might be able to handle such feelings, but the man had a far different reaction. It was hard enough to try and deal with his own feelings without the distraction of others. Maybe this was a good time to "bow out" as Peter would say.

"Peter," Kwai Chang called his son. Weariness was coming through his voice.

"Yeah, Pop. Is everything okay?" Peter's concern could be read very clearly.

"Could you lead me to my sleeping area? I need to rest. Could you say goodbye to everyone for me?"

"Sure, Pop. In fact, I'll do one better. I'll send them home and I"ll stay and clean up."

"That would be fine."

At first, everyone was deep in conversation, unaware that their host was no longer in the same room with them. Then Peter placed his hands on each of their shoulders and quietly urged them to leave, but letting them know that he appreciated them being there. Lo Si was the last, but he did not leave right away.

"Lo Si, it's all right. You don't need to stay."

"Your father is going to need more salve. Plus, there may be something I can do to help soothe his eyes."

Peter's ears pricked up at that. When Mary Margaret brought up the topic of his father's blindness being permanent, Peter could have strangled her. He did not want to think about that possibility. Even though the Doctor had checked the retina of his father's eyes and saw no damage, his father still could not see. The Doctor said it was probably an overload on the optic nerve. Much like an overload to a circuit. Sometimes it was just a simple blackout without any damage to the nerve itself. The nerve needed time to cool down from the shock before it could behave normally. And in order to do that, his father needed to protect his eyes from any more light. More light would simply compound the problem and make it worse. Still, Peter could not help but wonder in the back of his mind, what if the Doctor was wrong.

" . . . sure that he washes his eyes at least twice a day with this . . . Peter? Are you listening to me?"

"Huuh? Oh, sure Lo Si. Make sure he washes his eyes with this twice a day. What is this anyway?"

"As I was saying, young Caine," Lo Si's patience was wearing thin. "It is an herbal wash made up of arnica, beebalm, borage, clary, eyebright, goldenseal, lovage, and wahoo. See to it that he uses it."

"The Doctor mentioned to me that she wanted to know what was in the salve that I put on my father's burns."

"I will write down the ingredients, later. I must go and attend to your father's patients while he is recovering."

"Lo Si, will this really help my father?"

"Yes, it will at least give him some comfort and relieve some of his pain."

"But will it help his blindness."

"I do not know. It is written that many of these herbs do have properties that aid the eye but who can tell. Part of it will depend on your father's emotional well being. We must not let him become depressed over this. We must have faith that all will turn out right in the end."

***

Kwai Chang Caine laid back on the mat and tried to sleep but sleep would not come. 'I should have acted more quickly,' he thought. 'Now I am in darkness. How am I going to protect my son from danger? It is not right that he should see me this way, helpless. I am a burden to him. If my sight does not return, will my soul also be in darkness? How can I know which path I must choose if the light is denied me? Where is the light within me now?' Silent tears fell as Kwai Chang contemplated the life that he would have to lead. The loss of his sight should not have been this painful to him. The words he said to Mary Margaret felt hollow and empty. Exhausted from the spent emotion, Kwai Chang finally fell asleep. It is said that within dreams, answers can be found. As Kwai Chang slept, he dreamed of another time, another place, and another Kwai Chang Caine, a much younger Caine, his grandfather.

*****

(Young Caine, who has blindfolded himself, falls.)

Po: Grasshopper, have you injured yourself?

Caine: My knee hurts from hitting the stone, but it is not serious.

Po: I am glad. Did you not think to look where you were going?

Caine: I placed the sash over my eyes. I chose not to see.

Po: So you prefer darkness to light?

Caine: I wanted to know darkness.

Po: Why Grasshopper?

Caine: I wanted to be like you. It is nothing to place one foot in front of the other, but to walk without seeing is most special.

Po: I never thought it as special, only unavoidable. Is it not better to enjoy the gift of light that is yours, than to seek a darkness you are spared?

*****

Kwai Chang woke from the dream with a start. What did the dream mean? 'I did not choose the darkness,' he thought.

"Oh did you now, Grasshopper."

"I do not understand, Master Po."

"There is more than one kind of darkness one can choose. Sight from darkness is sometimes unavoidable. Those who choose this path only see with their eyes. Light from darkness, however, does not need sight to be seen. By choosing light, you are spared the darkness, even if your eyes do not see. To see the light, it sometimes takes the hands of others."

Kwai Chang contemplated what Master Po had said. Had he been choosing darkness? Surely in his despair he had been. But where could he find the light to "see" by?

"Pop?" Peter came into the room carrying a tray containing a small basin, some towels, and fresh bandages. "I thought you were asleep."

"I was. A dream I had disturbed me. There is no need for concern."

"Lo Si gave me something that may sooth your eyes. I'm going to have to unwrap them to apply it. Is there any way to darken the room so when I take the bandages off the light won't hurt your eyes?"

"There are some blankets in a trunk against the wall by the door."

"I see it." Peter put the tray down by his father and grabbed a blanket from the trunk and covered the window darkening the room. Kwai Chang could feel the room become cooler after the window had been covered. Peter sat on the floor next to his father and began to remove the dressing.

"It may be easier to apply if you lay on your back." Peter placed a towel under his father's head to catch any moisture that fell away from his face. "Keep your eyes closed while I apply the wash."

Peter soaked a small washcloth in the basin. He wrung out most of the liquid but kept some to squeeze into his father's eyes. He placed the cloth just above his father's face, close to the right eye, and let the liquid drip from the wet cloth.

As Kwai Chang Caine felt the drops enter his eyes, he still thought on Master Po's words. 'To see the light, it sometimes takes the hands of others.' Caine reached up to find Peter's face. A hand guided him, Peter's hand. Within the touch, Kwai Chang could feel Peter's love and gentleness. For now, Peter's thoughts were only on helping him. Giving him what aid Kwai Chang required. As Peter bathed his eyes, Kwai Chang became aware of a soft warm glow radiating outward. It seemed to come from Peter and enter Kwai Chang through Peter's ministration. Kwai Chang breathed deeply and relaxed. The light was not lost. It was there within his son and Peter was returning it to him. Was Peter even aware of what was happening? Did it even matter? For now, Kwai Chang did not care. All that mattered was his son was there, giving him the strength and the light he needed to face the darkness. Kwai Chang felt Peter dry his face and neck where the wash had fallen. Silently Peter reapplied fresh bandages. Kwai Chang could hear him place what items he used back on the tray. Afterward, Peter bent down and kissed his father on the forehead.

"Get some rest, Pop. I'll be here when you wake up."

End of Part 4

Alisa Joaquin Copyright@2001.

This story cannot be reprinted or sold in any other form without strict permission from the author. It is being distributed here solely for your enjoyment.

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